Edyn (The Essence Project Book 1) Read online

  I jammed my hand in my pocket and dropped a wad of money on the counter. My hands were shaking as I counted it out, not wanting to think about how much was leaving us now, but what choice did I have?

  She slid me a key. "Room 207. There’s no one in the rooms on either side so you don’t have to keep it down too much." She winked again as I grabbed the key and made a mad dash for the door.

  Ryker was still slumped against the wall. His labored breathing seemed more shallow to me now, and panic surged through me.

  I placed my hand on the side of his face. "Hey, I got us a room. Come on, baby. Stay with me."

  I helped him up again, and I felt like I was damn near carrying him up the stairs. When we reached the room, I struggled to get the key in the lock because my hands were shaking so badly. When I was finally able to, I threw the door open and hauled Ryker over to the bed. After helping him lay down, I went back to take the key from the lock and slammed the door shut.

  Ryker was covered in sweat from head to toe. I threw our bag down on the floor and put my hand on his forehead.

  "Shit. Shit." I tried to remember what my mom did when she was sick or had a fever, but I couldn’t. I didn’t remember ever having a fever before, let alone being sick. We had thought it had something to do with this stupid angel-ness in me, and now I cursed it since I didn’t know what to do. "Hey, we need to get your fever down. What do I do?"

  He tried to focus his eyes on my face. "Ice bath," he muttered.

  "Okay, I’ll be right back."

  I hurried to the small bathroom and saw something skitter under the sink. Ignoring it, I turned on the faucet to the tub so that only cold water would come out. I plugged the drain and grabbed the ice bucket from the counter.

  "I’ll be right back," I said as I shoved the key in my pocket and hurried out the door.

  It took me seven trips with the ice bucket to get enough for the tub, and I tossed it aside when I was done.

  "Come on, sit up," I said and sat down on the edge of the bed next to Ryker.

  He struggled so I put my hand out. Grasping it, he was able to pull himself upright. I pulled his shirt off, and when I caught sight of the bandage on his side, I saw that it was stained with old blood and serum.

  "We need to take your pants off too," I said.

  "I love you, babe," he mumbled, half conscious, "But I don’t know if I’m up for that right now."

  Shaking my head and trying not to roll my eyes, I pulled him around so his legs were hanging over the bed. After removing his shoes and socks, I unbuckled his belt with nervous hands. He had seen more of my naked body than I had of his, and in spite of our current situation, it still sent a surge of adrenaline rushing through me. I pushed it back down though, willing myself to focus on helping him.

  My hands were shaking nearly uncontrollably when I reached for the waistband of his boxer briefs. He caught my wrist, and I shifted my eyes to his face. A smile was painted there, and in spite of the situation, I couldn’t help thinking he was the most handsome man I’d ever seen.

  "Try not to take advantage of me in my weakened state," he said.

  How he could still have his sense of humor at a time like this, I would never know, but it gave me the confidence to do what I needed. When he was totally naked, I helped him off the bed, and half carried him to the bathroom.

  I eased him slowly into the tub, and he sucked in a harsh, ragged breath at the temperature. It seemed to wake him up more, though.

  "Holy shit, that’s cold," he said.

  "Well it’s an ice bath, what do you expect?" I retorted with his very own sarcasm.

  He chuckled. "Cute."

  "What’s going on with you?" I asked.

  He shook his head, and I was glad he was more alert. "I think it’s the infection. It might have spread."

  I frowned. "We really need to get you to a doctor and get you some antibiotics."

  "Tomorrow," he said. "I just need to rest first. We can go on our way out of town. By the way," he asked. "How much did this room cost?"

  Looking away, I said, "Don’t ask."

  He grimaced. "Okay, I won’t.

  "Are you feeling any better?"

  Cocking his head to one side, he said, "A bit. I’m just really tired. I think my fever’s coming down though. This shit is cold." He moved his arm and splashed me.

  "Eek!" I shrieked. It was cold. "That’s the point though. We need to cool your body down."

  His teeth started chattering. "I know, I just don’t know how long I can stand this."

  When all the ice had melted, I felt his forehead again. He was still a little warm, but not by much. "It's better," I said. "Let’s get you into bed."

  The frigid water had reenergized him some, if only mentally. "Darling, you know I would love nothing better than to get into bed with you."

  I laughed and could feel some of the tension leaving me. "You are such a brat."

  He shrugged, as I unplugged the drain. "But, I’m your brat. You’re stuck with me, kid."

  I shook my head and reached for a scratchy white towel that smelled like bleach. "Can you stand, or do you need my help?"

  As he pulled himself up, he wobbled slightly, but was able to find the strength to stand.

  And there he was.

  In all his gloriously naked splendor.

  I handed him the towel and turned away blushing. He took it with shaky hands and started slowly rubbing down his gleaming, muscled body.

  "What’s wrong, love?" he asked with an amused tone.

  "Nothing," I replied.

  "Will you help me to the bed?"

  Hesitantly, I turned back to face him. He had the towel wrapped around his waist just below the soggy bandage. I held my hand out, and he took it. His hand was shaking. I got him back to the bed, and propped him up on two pillows. He was still wearing nothing but the towel, and it made my heart speed up.

  "Let me change your bandage," I said.

  The water had loosened some of the grip the adhesive had on his skin, so the bandage came off easily. His flesh was swollen and angry around his stitches, and a blood tinted serum was oozing out.

  "I need to clean it. I think I should scrub it with some peroxide."

  He just nodded as I fished around in our bag. I pulled out the peroxide, gauze, antibacterial ointment, and medical tape. After soaking the gauze in peroxide, I pressed it down to his skin. He flinched as I started to scrub. I tried to do so gently, but I could tell he was fighting against the pain. Ryker never showed any signs of pain so I knew it was bad. When I was done scrubbing, I could see fresh blood seeping out.

  "Shit, I made it bleed," I said.

  "No, that’s good," he said. "Blood means healing."

  I blotted it dry and placed a clean square of gauze over the top of it, securing it with the tape.

  "Best nurse I ever had," he said in a low voice.

  Laughing quietly, I asked, "Oh really?"

  He nodded. "Sexiest nurse I’ve ever had, too."

  I rolled my eyes. "Whatever."

  "I mean it."

  "And just how many nurses have you had?"

  He thought for a moment. "Just Stella."

  The words hit me like a sucker punch.

  "Shit, Edyn, I’m sorry. I mean it though. You’re definitely the sexiest nurse I’ve had."

  "Over Stella?" I laughed but without any humor this time.

  He took my hand. "Definitely over Stella. And you’re not two-faced. I still can’t believe it. You think you know a person," he said. His face turned grim, his brow furrowed, and a muscle flickered in his jaw as he chewed the inside of his cheek. "I’m sorry I didn’t see it before. It’s all my fault what happened to you."

  Shaking my head, I said, "Oh don’t be stupid, no it’s not. How would you know?"

  Shrugging, he brought my hand to his lips. "I should’ve known somehow. It’s my job to protect you." Gingerly, he rolled onto his good side to face me. The towel shifted and came undone, exposing hi
s bare hip.

  I swallowed and tried to slow my racing heart. He placed his hand on the side of my face, and I closed my eyes. It was hard to see him like this. My Ryker was so strong. Seeing him weak and vulnerable tore at my heart.

  "Come here," he said and pulled me to him. His lips found mine with urgency.

  I could feel weakness behind them, but a powerful sense of wanting was still there. Electricity coursed through me as I ran my hand over the smooth muscles of his arm. He tangled his hand in my hair, and my breath quickened. I pressed up hard against him and I could feel his breath speeding up beneath my mouth.

  This is not the time for this.

  He rolled onto his back and pulled me with him. His tongue found mine, and I moaned as he ran his hands up and down my back. I knew we could only do so much tonight with Ryker in this condition, but I didn’t know how much longer I would be able to contain myself with him. I wanted to lose control of my body and know every part of him. Shifting my weight, I centered myself over him more. When I did, he groaned, and he cringed.

  "What happened?" I asked.

  "My side. You’re leaning on it."

  I fell away from him instantly. "Shit, I’m sorry!"

  He laughed a little. "It’s okay. It definitely wouldn’t be the worst way to go."

  "Unbelievable," I muttered. "Let’s just get some sleep."

  I sat up and unhooked my bra from under my shirt, slipping it off without revealing anything.

  "I’ve always wondered how women can do that," he said absentmindedly.

  "Talent," I replied. "And years of experience."

  I shimmied out of my jeans and curled up in the crook of his arm. He wrapped it around me and rested it on my hip. I could feel hesitation in his fingers and knew he wanted to touch more of me, but I didn’t encourage him. He needed to rest.

  "You sure you want to sleep in your shirt? If my fever spikes again you’ll get awfully hot up against me like that."

  I glanced up to see the devilish look in his tired eyes. "Ha ha, very funny. You just think you’re so smart, don’t you?"

  "Pretty much, yeah," he replied.

  I sighed. "Go to sleep. Tomorrow’s going to be a long day."

  "Mm," He tried to speak, but he was already fading into sleep.

  As I closed my eyes, I spoke from my heart to God.

  Please, God, heal him.

  Let him be okay.

  I just got him back, I can’t lose him again.

  21

  R yker had been right. It was scorching being snuggled up against him when his fever spiked again in the middle of the night. I wasn't sure if that was what woke me, or if it was his sporadic twitching accompanied by talking in his sleep.

  "Hey, wake up," I whispered and gently ran my fingers over his cheek.

  He cried out in his sleep at some monster in his head.

  "Hey, love." I shook him carefully so I wouldn’t startle him.

  Jerking away from me, his eyes flew open, and he brought his arms across his face.

  I took hold of his arms as calmly as I could. "It’s me, hey, it’s me," I said quietly.

  Sweat covered his forehead and his arms. He blinked a few times, trying to focus. Finally, he let his shoulders relax. "Sorry," he said, and tried to sit up. He was hit with a wave of agony and fell back on the pillows with a yelp. "My side," he gasped.

  I clicked on the lamp and looked down. Forgetting that he had fallen asleep with just the towel around him, I noticed that it was no longer covering him. My attention was drawn immediately, however, to the blood-soaked bandage on his side.

  "Shit, Ryker," I said as I started to remove it with trembling hands.

  He took a shuddering breath and swallowed, as I pulled back the gauze. A spiderweb of red lines scattered around the bulging wound, and I knew that couldn’t be good. He glanced down at it, and then squeezed his eyes shut as he looked away.

  "What?" His quick reaction sent a surge of worry through me.

  "That’s not good."

  "What’s not good?" I parroted.

  "Those lines mean blood poisoning. I’ve gone septic."

  I didn’t know what that meant, but it was surely something to be worried about. "What does that mean?"

  "The infection has gotten into my bloodstream and spread to the rest of my body." He was breathless, and his face was filled with panic and terror. "Oh my God," he muttered.

  "What do we do?" I asked him, searching his storm filled blue eyes.

  "I… We… Edyn, I don’t want to die," he said. "I don’t want to leave you."

  Furiously, I shook my head. "No, no, you’re not going to die. We’ll fix this. You can’t die. Not after everything else. No. Ryker, what do you need to fix this?"

  "A hospital," he croaked. "And that might not be enough."

  I saw tears glistening in his eyes, threatening to spill out, and it shook me to my core. "Don’t say that!"

  "Edyn, I love you. I want you to remember that, okay? Don’t forget that. In case… God. I don’t even… I don’t have…" He choked on the words.

  That was when it hit me.

  Why he wouldn’t open up to me.

  Why he wouldn’t tell me about what Jophiel had done to him.

  Why he wouldn’t tell me what had happened in the labs.

  "He took your soul," I whispered with finality.

  Ryker was shaking. "I can’t die now. I can’t. If I do…" he couldn’t finish the sentence.

  I couldn’t breathe. If he died, he wouldn’t exist anymore. He wouldn’t go to Heaven.

  I would never see him again.

  "Take mine," I blurted out.

  "What? Edyn, no," he said.

  "I’m serious. Take it. I don’t want it."

  He quieted at my words and brushed the tears off my face that I hadn’t even realized were falling. "I can’t take your soul. I won’t."

  "Wh— what choice do we have? I can get another one. We don’t have much time for you. We need to get you to a hospital, but like you said, it might not be…" I couldn’t say it. Swallowing, I continued. "Think of it as insurance. I can’t bear the thought of never seeing you again. If you die without your soul… You have to take mine. I can get another. Then at least I would see you again one day."

  "And what if something happens to you?"

  I bit my lip, and my tears blurred my vision.

  Don’t think about it.

  I couldn’t let myself think about ceasing to exist. The thought utterly terrified me, but it was better than the thought of Ryker in that position. I would gladly take his place any day so he could move on.

  "How can I give it to you?"

  He shook his head. "I won’t let you."

  "You don’t have a choice," I shot back.

  "I do if I don’t tell you how to do it."

  I dropped my head into my hands and could hear his breathing gradually getting shallower. He was dying right in front of me. I was losing him. Again. "Please," I pleaded.

  As another wave of pain rippled through him, I could feel his resolve weakening.

  "Edyn, I can’t. I can’t do that to you."

  "Dammit Ryker!" I shouted. "You’re going to die, and if you don’t take it, that’s it, you’re done, gone." Tears were flowing freely now, and my voice dropped and started to shake. "Jophiel told me he’d taken your soul when he took me, and I thought you were dead. I already had to face a reality where you didn’t exist once. I can’t do that again. I can’t. I need to know I’ll see you again."

  "Edyn," he began.

  "Please," I whispered and kissed him through the ocean of despair that was running down my face. When I pulled away, I searched his eyes. I couldn’t lose him forever again.

  He closed his eyes and sighed a ragged breath. "Get the knife." Defeat rolled off his tongue.

  I jumped up to retrieve the knife from our bag. My hands were trembling as I fumbled around for it. Finally, I found it and went back to the bed where Ryker was struggling to sit
up.

  "Give it to me," he said, and I obeyed.

  He flipped it open as I watched in silence. Slowly, he drug it across his forearm, just as he had when he’d subbed out for Zak in the Pits. There was no faint blue glow this time in the blood running down his arm. He took my left arm gently in one hand, and looked me in the eye with a somber expression.

  "You have to concentrate. Focus your Essence into your arm, and release it. You have to let go of it, or nothing will happen."

  "How do I do that?" I asked.

  "Just picture it in your head. Imagine it flowing out of your arm once I cut you."

  I closed my eyes and nodded, trying to focus. After a moment, I opened one eye to look at Ryker. "Why aren’t you cutting me?" I asked.

  He shook his head. "I don’t want to hurt you."

  I sighed in frustration and grabbed the knife from his hand. In my head I balled up my Essence and tried to push it into my arm as I slid the knife across my skin. The sting of the blade was like a welcome kiss. I could feel a tingling in my arm, and when I looked at it, I could see the glow. Mine, though, wasn’t blue like Ryker’s had been. Mine was tinted gold.

  He looked puzzled, but pulled my arm over his and clasped them together. I could feel the tingling start to fade, and along with it, some of my energy did too.

  Ryker took a deep breath. "Whoa."

  "Whoa, what?" I said.

  He half smiled. "Your Essence feels different. There’s something more to it than normal."

  "So, it worked?" I asked, hopeful.

  "Yeah, it did. I feel better too. I didn’t realize how empty I felt without one." He laughed.

  "Something funny?"

  Nodding, he said, "Yeah, I’m starving all of a sudden."

  I looked at our bag. "I think we have some peanut butter crackers left."

  He shook his head. "I really want a burger. And some pie."

  Shooting him a worried look, I placed my hand on his forehead. It didn’t feel as hot as it had. "That doesn’t sound normal for someone so sick."

  Taking my hand in his, he brought it to his lips with a smirk. "Last meal?"

  I pulled my hand back. "Not funny."